I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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