i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
