The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
