What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
