he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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