she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
