i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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