hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
