My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
