College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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