VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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