just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
