I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
