If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
