I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Randomize
