she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
