My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
