btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
