She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
