dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
