I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
