FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
