we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
