i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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