so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize