you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
