Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
