You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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