I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
