You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
