If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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