We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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