Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
