I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
