it wasn't lemon gatorade
kristin has been a bad kristin
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
why do cheetos always look like penises
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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