your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
They are going to name an STD after you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
