I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
50% drunk capacity currently
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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