Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
