I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
