So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Two words: blizzard sex
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
