so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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