so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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