I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
home. puking in laundry basket.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
