It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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