My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
