If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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