my phone needs a breathalizer
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I am one with the molecules
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
