I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I met the friendliest cop last night
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
