thus making me awesome and them whores
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
