Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
