I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
