i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
