Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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