we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
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