1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
