guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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