She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
