Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
