oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
