Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
