dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
