Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize