i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize