he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
