You work out of a Hotel?
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
