Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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