i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
It was confusing and full of hummus
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize