We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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