Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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