My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
