So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
He did a backflip because drugs
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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