I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
