just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
