So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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