her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We smell like vodka and hangover
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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