What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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