The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
