Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
